How suicide hotlines help (trigger warning)
You’ve thought it through,
To cease to exist
Is the most rational thing to do.
You’ve toyed with the idea for years,
Turned it around in your mind,
Flipped it inside and out,
Dissected it layer by layer.
“Yes”, you finally concluded,
“This makes perfect logical sense”.
You’ve spent months now
Planning out the logistics of it all,
Exploring various kill options,
Looking for inspiration online,
Shame they banned LiveLeak,
Reddit will have to do.
“This looks like it could hurt”,
“This doesn’t seem lethal enough”,
“Lol, I don’t want to end up half-dead.
I’m already a burden as is”.
After weeks and weeks
Of planning and research,
You’ve now mapped out a path.
No way this would fail. It’s meticulous.
You think about it everyday now.
Life suddenly feels brighter,
You know this will all be over soon.
You’ve said your last goodbyes,
Keeping it as discreet as possible.
You don’t want to raise any alarms,
Or make them go through unnecessary trouble.
It’s the D-Day.
You feel a bittersweet mix of sadness and excitement.
There’s also a sense of anticipatory relief.
It’ll all be over soon. No more pain.
It’s finally time.
But you see an ad for a suicide hotline.
They say you should call if you feel like killing yourself.
Against your highest motivations
You decide to dial the number,
It doesn’t connect.
You ring it again. Nothing.
After 2 more tries,
it puts you on a waiting line.
Finally after a 20 minute wait, you hear a voice...
It sounds like your neighbourhood aunty.
She asks what’s going on.
You say you’re about to take your own life.
- “You should give yourself a second chance.”
- “I’m tired. And I’ve already made up my mind.
I’ve been planning this for months.”
- “What’s your age?”, she asks
- Response.
- “Oh too young! You don’t even know what all life has to offer.
You’ll miss out on everything. Don’t do it.”
Now she’s going off about career, love, marriage, children, god, heaven and hell.
It’s been 20 more minutes.
- “Have you thought about your old parents?”
It’s getting annoying now,
Being lectured by this aunty.
You cut the call.
“Man, that really killed my mood.
Stupid helpline.”
Now you don’t feel like dying anymore.
Maybe tomorrow,
once your mood recovers.
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